i was turned onto BIKESNOBNYC by WR, and i’ve been viewing it every day since. it’s fucking hysterical; a combination of two of my favorite things — biting sarcasm and bikes. i’m not even sure what type of cycling the guy does, considering he seems to rant on everyone from fixie riders to triathletes and back again. cyclocross, road-riding, whatever — the dude shreds everyone.

but that’s neither here nor there. today, he strayed onto oft-ignored ground — helpful advice. helpful advice dripping with sarcasm, naturally.

i present to you bike snob nyc’s HOW TO BE FAST ON A FIXED GEAR.

my favorite detail is in step one … "get a brake." when describing some techical background on speed-based motorsports, he whips out "…they actually care about what kind of brakes they use, and instead of removing them, they sometimes even upgrade them!"

i don’t know why, but that shit cracked me up.

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oh yes, i will have THIS…

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so yesterday, i participated in an aids lifecycle event called "day on the ride." in essence, it’s a training ride, with choices of a 40-miler or an 80-miler. but they have all the rest stops established, sag vehicles, motorcycle support, and permits from all the towns along the way. which is why it’s called "day on the ride," because this is what each day’ll be like on the way down to LA.

the only downside was that my notification and confirmation each said to arrive at the starting point between 5 and 530am. (yes, AM.) this was bad enough on it’s own, but made about 333 times worse by the fact that when i arrived at 515, THEY WERE STILL SETTING UP. motherfucker. so i napped there till 6, when i went to get some coffee. we checked in, got our route maps, stretched, and started out about 8am. (i say again — MOTHERFUCKER! hahaha!!!)

the route was roughly sf to fairfax (20 miles – rest stop 1 – halfway point for 40-milers), then fairfax to petaluma (another 20 miles – rest stop 2/lunch stop – halfway point for 80-milers), then back to fairfax (now rest stop 3), then home. along the way, there was a total of 7 pretty significant climbs and LOTS of sun. it was motherfucking HOT. over 80, i’m convinced. and i’m one fair cracker, so my ass was 35ing all day.

i had only one mantra for the day — CONSERVE. when i get on a bike, something takes over and i just wanna kill the road. i ride like i fuckin stole it. and you can’t do that when you’re out for 80, certainly not at my "skill" level. so i just kept telling myself to conserve my energy.

the first 20 miles were pretty much cake. the only climb was up over camino alto, northbound, and i knocked it out strong. nice and easy. i never even left the big ring. (for non-cyclists, there’s two gears in the front — big and small. the small ring is a downshift, and i wanted to save that for the end of the day, when i knew i’d be lacking in motivation and in energy.) onwards to fairfax was mostly flat through the wealthy white burbs.

rest stop 1 — ate some crackers and peanut butter, took a leak, stretched, put powerade in my water bottle, re-applied sunscreen. back on the road.

the next 20 were really shocking to me. we were out of populated areas, on the side of a 2-lane freeway, unprotected from the blazing sun, and there were two really big climbs. the first was called "white’s hill," and i don’t know who white is, but fuck that guy. christ, that was tough. new mantra — "just keep turnin em over." still never left the big ring, took my time, just slowly turning the cranks over and over … and over and over. when i crested that hill, i screamed at the sky "YYYEEAAAAAAHHHHH — FUCK YOU!" then i tucked and mashed down the descent, going so fast my eyes were watering, the biggest fucking bug-splattered smile you ever did see pasted across my mug. flat ground for a while and then point reyes-petaluma road — another climb. i saw this one coming, and i downshifted early, slowed down, took a couple more nibbles off my clif bar, dropped some powerade (actually LITERALLY dropped it after drinking from it — had to stop to retrieve it), and when the climb itself began, i was ready. it was long, and it was the first time i dropped into my small ring, but i did it seated, and wasn’t sucking wind, so i knew i would make it just fine. the top of that hill, though, was where i felt my hamstrings start to let their presence be known. this was the halfway point, too, where my pre-paid lunch was waiting.

rest stop 2 — turkey sammich with provolone on croissant, with an apple and a cookie. another powerade refill in my water bottle, another sunscreen re-application, quick stretch, back on the road. also, there was an experienced-looking cyclist i heard talking at lunch who compared that last climb to "the wall," from WR/muadib’s recent primavera century. that gave me a real emotional boost, i have to say.

the next 20 miles included the backside of those two previous climbs, though neither was as bad as the first side. the route wasn’t exactly backwards through the approach, and i have to think this was planned, because it was through a lot of tree coverage, which was much cooler. by this point, i was pretty much by myself. over two rest stops, the group thins out significantly, and even though i was going at a manageable pace, i was still ahead of a lot of people. this was actually really cool to be by myself, because i was left alone with my own thoughts, the most predominant of which being that i was fucking KILLING this ride. my hams were a little sore, and around mile 50, my ass was in a lot of pain, but that was IT. that shit feels like an accomplishment, and i was glad to have that hour or so by myself.

rest stop 3 — same as rest stop 1. this was 60 miles now — the same distance as the longest ride i’d taken to that point. my ass was in a LOT of pain and now my hamstrings were not just a nuisance — they were starting to hurt. i didn’t let that shit get to me, though, and went through my paces — sunscreen, powerade, snacks, stretch, road.

the next 20 were a real strange affair. i knew i was almost done and found myself wanting to mash a little bit, but had to keep forcing myself to maintain because the dreaded sausalito climb was gonna be the last part of this ride, and i knew i needed everything i had for that, especially just having knocked out all these miles. also, all my little aches and pains were now becoming really noticeable. i have a strange relationship with pain. i can muscle through a lot of pain, but i do so to my own detriment. i know that other times i’ve experienced pain on a ride and fought through it, i’ve paid for it the next day. so i had to REALLY talk myself through this 20. "keep turnin em over, pace, keep turnin em over, conserve," and i small-ringed my reverse camino alto climb. (that descent was fucking awesome, also.) through sausalito and then the big fear — the climb. about 3/4 of the way through, i was starting to suck wind, my hams were hurting quite a bit, and i was down to my next-to-last gear. but i made it. just in time to hit the bridge wind. holy fuck. it wasn’t bad at all, but here’s a little something about wearing fatigues — they catch wind like a parachute, and i was steering towards the ocean just to continue straight. oh, that reminds me of the dickhead moment i had. i was approaching mill valley at whatever mile, and a guy not from the aids ride rolls up next to me. he was one of these assholes who fancies himself lance armstrong, and he was with his female riding partner. he pulls alongside, and sort of condescendingly snorts, "that looks warm." i said, "what?" he said, "your outfit looks warm." (i was wearing a cycling jersey, a bowling ball helmet, aviator shades and camo fatigues over my cycling shorts.) yeah, well, i was NOT having this fucking cock-knocker talk to me like that, so i said, "it ain’t what you’re wearing, son, it’s how many miles you got behind you." he sort of laugh-speaks, "yeah, and how many miles did YOU do today?" casually, i said, "i’m closing in on 81 right now." his ladyfriend says "WHAT?!?" and the look of shock on HIS face was all i wanted. oh, NOW he’s all fucking approachable. "oh, yeah, cool! what loop did you do?" i said, "i don’t know, i just rode to petaluma and back." "wow," he says, like genuinely impressed. "well, have a good ride, man!" he says now. "thanks." douche.

then home! another couple short hops up polk street and i was in the shower. i napped for 2 hours, then, and later went to dinner with (SG)rrlfriend over at my old man’s place (filet mignon with mushroom ragout and fries — fuck yes). around 11, though, with a glass of champagne in me, i was falling asleep on my dad’s couch.

i felt the most amazing sense of accomplishment from this ride. many things learned…

+ conservation of energy is key.
+ nibbling an energy bar, sipping water, and powerading all day REALLY helps.
+ a slower pace makes all the difference.
+ prescription sunglasses are the best money you can spend, if you wear glasses.
+ sitting on a bike seat for over 7 hours BLOWS.
+ carrying the bare minimum of shit helps.
+ drops are for tuckers.
+ riding behind an EHP who has a nice mellow pace is really helpful, and aesthetically pleasing.

the ride was 81 plotted, and call another couple getting to the starting point and then back home again. making a nice, brand-aware eighty-THREE! it took me about 7.5 hours to do it, and call all the stops together an hour and a half, putting me at the 6-hour mark, which averages me out at 13.5 mph. not a race speed, but far from chump-pace, too.

finally, i was really concerned about today. any other time i’ve taken a big ride, i’ve been worthless the next day. but today, i’m fucking FINE! i have a slight vestige of hamstring soreness, but i stretched again this morning, and have been eating nothing but fruit so far today, and i’m gonna take a little fixie ride this afternoon to see what’s what.

so there you have it. the lung + 83 miles = stokage.

rubber side down.

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3. Team Lope Ride Report: Primavera Century 2008

I just don’t know…what…to say.
http://www.autoblog.com/2008/04/22/dutc … e-of-cars/

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Similar to that steampunk monocycle we showed before, here’s a contemporary one that is beyond awesome. And looks deadly. More awesome!
Lots of room to hang dried lopes over your head for easy reach nutritional assists…

http://gizmodo.com/382443/ben-wilsons-m … t-buttocks

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yeah. i’m not so sure i want to subject schwixie(tm) to THIS type of malfeasance, but the idea’s sound…

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JAYSUS I never even imagined RIDING there. The buses falling over the side were scary enough…

Biker plummets to death on Death Road (250ft fall):
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.c … 727D45.DTL

Death Road:
"# Incredible scenic variety and a spectacular descent of more than 3,600m/11,800 feet, from snow-covered high-altitude plains and mountain ranges down to the steaming Amazonian Jungle. Part of the ride is on the dramatic and scenic “World’s Most Dangerous Road,” dubbed such by the Inter-American Development Bank in 1995.
# 64kms (40 miles) of downhill riding with only a few small uphills and a couple of flat bits!"

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So this weekend Muadib and I tackled the Primavera Century.
Event bike rides usually are organized around different distances and skill levels, the longer rides having more climbs etc for advanced riders the mid-range mileage routes being good for intermediate riders, and short runs for recreational riders. The Primavera Century starts and ends in Union City, near Fremont, and the loop works it’s way through Milpitas, Sunol, Pleasanton, Dublin and Castro Valley. It is a mondo ride, as far as this bot’s concerned.

I head out early to arrive at the start around 6:30am on Saturday morning, running about 15 minutes late thanks to an alarm error, but arrived to see the bleachers of the local high school decorated and pople milling around, lots of music, parking lot full, etc so i drove up the street into the neighborhood, parked, kitted up, assembled the bike, inflated tires, gathered my gear, and set off to find Muadib, who was to meet me at the registration desk. I left my cell at home, naturally, so i couldn’t communicate with him. It was 47 degrees. Much to my growing apprehension, I saw NO bikes. Highly unusual. Further, it became clear that the hubbub was a track meet. Fearing I was too late and that the century folks were already long gone (the rides are staggered longest to shortest in terms of starting times, so you arrive at the end around the same general time.) After doing two long loops wound the three block radius of the high school, to verify the start location hadn’t been moved to the nearby park or something since I last checked, I came to the correct conclusion that I came ON THE WRONG DAY. To my defense, I’ve never seen a century planned on a sunday.

Just as well, because the major windstorm hitting the bay area Saturday buffeted my building, knocked plants and trashcans and potted trees over, caused bedlam, increased chill factor, and was a total mess well into Saturday night. Quite glad I wasn’t out there in Livermore during that.

Sunday AM< same scenario, headed out early, and this time, yep, bikes and people and such, so i knew I was in good shape. 49 degrees. Met Muadib at the starter, and we took off.
The Primavera Century has a total of 5 rest stops, but we don’t like to linger, as we both get stiff if we are off the bike too long, so we mostly roll in, grab food and water, and head out again. The first rest stop took some climbing to get through, into Cavaleras. We could see the mountain above us, and I was getting that sinking feeling I get before every unknown quantity climb for the first time. Not knowing what to expect, how long, etc is the worst. Muadib did the Metric Century (67miles) version of the Primavera last year, so he knew what was coming, but my GPS was down (with the altimeter) and his bike computer was on the fritz, so we didn’t have mile by mile intel about where we were on the ride. After the first rest stop, where the above picture was taken, we head out for the first major climb of the day, what the locals call ‘The Wall’. As we clipped in, I heard one club rider say to the other "OK, prepared for the Matterhorn?" Guh.

The Wall is well named. I don’t know the percent gradient on this thing, but it’s ridiculous. It’s like a long, tightly winding waterslide up unto the trees. People were walking their bikes, stopped along the way, incredulously looking around, but we just hammered it and hammered it until we were at the summit. It was pretty amazing. Short enough, but extremely steep, and not knowing how long it was makes it hard to pace. Got through it OK, out of the saddle, but pretty beat, and my athsma and allergies were already sucker punching me.

From the summit of The Wall we proceeded to take a long winding route above the Cavaleras reservoir. This was probably one of the best cycling experiences of my life. there were rolling gradients so you mash up one grade then swoop down some tight turns and then up another and repeat. We were in big gearing and really pushing hard, and were additionally assisted by a nice tailwind. We were in a group of club riders for which this was the home turf, so we used them as a guide for speed. Which was fast. It was gorgeous. Tall tree cover, beautiful water, and up to about 51 degrees at this point.

After that stretch, we descended to the flats out by Sunol (forgive me on accuracy, I’m not familiar with this area) so we were pushing through farmland and wine country and such, the wind being OK. But we knew we were in for it when some unfamiliar riders at a following rest stop spoke about the relatively easy mileage to the lunch stop at the Garre Winery at mile 65. Regulars pointed out that we were in for hell, because the long, steep rolling climbs, 12 miles of them, were to continue before lunch, up into the hills where the wind picks up. From here, we learned, it was all headwind. And they were right. These were long, relentless climbs, not terribly steep independently but together they wore you down, like the Seven Sisters in Marin. It’s a bad sign when you are climbing up alongside wind-powered energy generator windmill things on the summit whose propellers were moving at a pitch. We felt sorry for the guy in T-Mobile kit with Spinergy three-blade time trial wheels on the bike… he was getting as much crosswind as those windmills.

The lunch rest stop was tough. This was the mileage point when Muadib and I usually are done, since we normally go after metric centuries. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve frequently done local rides pushing into the 80 mile range, but the key differnce is that out local rides target one hellacious area, and we ride way out to get there, hit this hell climb, then ride all the way back. On these organized rides, they are taking you on routes that have climbs and flats and different terrain distributed along the way, and it’s tough. Unfamiliarity is a big part of it, too, from a psychological standpoint. You just don’t have a sense of your benchmarks. We ate light, cold cuts and the like, and stretched. My ass was in trouble. I’m on a new bike this year, as you’ve read about, a Look to replace my stolen one, and it came with a little sluice plate of a saddle, which I’ve been using just to try it out. My other saddles have more support and padding, though Lung thinks THEY are impossible. Well, this saddle is like two rails with a slice of leather on them. Unforgiving. At mile 65, I was in pain, both in my ass but also my back and my quads. All that fixed gear riding has changed my gearing comfort, and I was riding this a little high on the gearing than I should have been. Fortunately, no tendon issues.

The stretch between mile 65 and the final rest stop at mile 88 was the absolute bear. It doesn’t even LOOK that bad. Just 20 miles of long, moderate grade following the freeway. Two issues: one, it’s still a moderate grade… mild, but over distance, it’s what we call a ‘Trail of Tears’ because you just get worn down over time… and two, the headwind was impossible. I was eventually ticked all the way down on my gearing and pedalling at a slow pace… shoving cookies and fruit down my gullet and burning up my 70 oz water reservoir. Everyone struggled. But the athsma, allergies and general exhaustion I was feeling were only mitigated by proper feeding and hydrating. I was bonking, but holding on.

Final rest stop, all that’s left is the Palomares Grade. This is a climb from mile 88 to somewhere around 92 or so… it’s hard to say. I heard a lot about it, so I was mentally prepared for a long haul. My body was done, my energy was OK thanks to the proper feeding, but my muscles were all fading. This was the worst time to have a bad climb. I knew it to be a winder similar to Marin Headalnds which then turned into a steeper section at the top. I ticked away on this thing, waiting, waititng, waiting for that steep uptick. I wore down to bottom gearing again, starting just barely pushing these cranks over at that point, being so beat. Finally, i saw a curve where two or three riders had stopped. I decided that my ‘don’t stop on the climb!’ attitude was pride, and that I needed to get my heart-rate down. So i pulled up as they took off, took a leak, ate some energy stuff, got my heart-rate down a bit, and then hopped back on, nothing really left in the legs and really psyching myself up for the steep section to come in this endless winding climb. Around the corner and… SUMMIT?!? Here’s Muadib with a thumbs-up, and I’m just flabbergasted. I stopped around the corner from the top. HA. So that was nice. It felt like a gift, since I was preparing for so much more, but had nothing left anyway.

We descended a long, freezing cold but spirited line down the mountain and into Fremont, passing some of what we climbed earlier, and then ultimately the flat stretch back to home base. We ended up taking a bit over 7 hours to complete the ride. And after getting home and soaking in the tub, I’m pleased to report no injury, unlike most previous years where long rides get to my tendons… Last night and this morning I’ve been hobbling around like an old bot, since all my muscles are sore and depleted, and my eyes are well-swollen… but man, it feels GREAT to have accomplished this ride. This was my first real century since I was 17.

So, success, I say!

Here’s a map of the course:

http://www.bikely.com/maps/bike-path/Primavera-Century

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I’ve often thought that cafe + X mashup businesses were the best ever. I’ve spent many, many nights in cafe+bookstores, being a cafe kind of guy (vs a bar kind of guy, or a strip club kind of guy, thought the quantity of ogling isn’t much different)…I used to love the idea of owning and operating a cafe+comic store, for obvious reasons. Anyway, I saw this place down in Seal Beach while I was visiting me mhom, and had to look it up to show it to you. It’s a cafe+bike shop.

Many cyclists incorporate coffee into their rides… hanging out at Peet’s before doing Alpine Dam, regathering after the ride for coffee and talking shit, etc. and I’ve never really been into that scene, but man, this place looked just awesome. Even just as a solid cafe. Lots of sunny outdoor seating under parasols, a full coffee bar, and then a full-service bike shop and service counter. It looked amazing. Were I not flying by at 65mph with mhom, I’d have stopped for a cup o joe, and probably bike parts I didn’t immediately need.

Anyway, a great review herein:

http://www.freshcup.com/back-issues/200 … _binds.htm

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